heavydog

As much as I try not to put things I get emailed on here, I liked this. Try reading the cats diary in the voice of “Brain” from Pinky and the Brain.

Excerpts from a Dog?s daily diary:
7.00am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favourite!
9.30am - Oh Boy! a car ride! My Favourite!
10.30am - Oh Boy! a walk! My Favourite!
12.30pm - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favourite!
1.00pm - Oh Boy! the yard! My Favourite!
4.00pm - Oh Boy! the kids! My Favourite!
5.00pm - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favourite!
7.00pm - Oh Boy! playing ball! My Favourite!
9.30pm - Oh Boy! sleeping on master?s bed! My Favourite!

Excerpts from a Cat?s daily diary:
DAY 183 OF MY CAPTIVITY - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. Pricks. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow, I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs next time. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile bastards, I again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair.

Note-to-self: I think I?ll try crapping under their bed too. Wonder how long it?ll take them to find it?

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.
They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was.
Damn! Not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices, I was placed in solitary throughout the event.
However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of ?allergeez?.
Must learn what the Hell this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog
is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He must obviously be a bloody half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, appears to have become an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move.
Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is preserved. But I can wait, it?s only a matter of time…the sonuvabitch!