heavydog

Back in Britains hey-day, when it was busy conquering and colonising the world, British citizens who wanted passage to foreign colonies, which included Australia and the Americas, would become what is known as an indentured servant. This meant that there passage would be paid for them, but they would have to work for someone at the colony for a set amount of time (usually between six and eight years), to pay for their travel. This allowed Britain to build colonies quickly and with skilled labour, which what helped it become a dominant global power.

But being an indentured servant wasn’t just the domain of those too poor to be able to afford a ticket on a boat - Britain also sent petty criminals as indentured servants as well. Everyone knows that Australia was first colonised by the British with mostly petty criminals - theives, pickpockets, etc - but whats not as well known is that America was also colonised with the same sort of people (although America was never used as a prison island).

It was a type of slavery when all is said and done, but indentured servants were sometimes given a little pay. Although their employer didn’t have to pay, some did. Also, most indentured servants where given a lump sum payment either of cash, or quite often a parcel of land. This is how the Australian colony was built it. Petty theives were generally skilled labourers forced into crime when the going got tough, however, given a new start and a plot of land to farm was enough to keep these guys on the straght and narrow.

Currently in the UK, we have a burgeoning prison-population problem. We have too many prisoners. All our prisons are over capacity. Just last night on the news, I read how a guy who should have been imprisoned for his crime, wasn’t. His defence attourney reminded the judge that the Home Secetary, John Reid, had recently made a statement about how petty criminals shouldn’t be locked up, but given community service. Tony Blair and his government have said that there will be more spaces in prisons over the next decade, but somehow, I don’t think Blair, or Labour for that matter, will be in power much longer.

This brings me to my fantastic idea.

Britain is far, far less dominant now than it was 200 years ago, we’re a bunch of weaklings led around on a leash by the Bush administration - it’s about time we took a stand and began making our small, rainy little island top of the league again. Lets make petty criminals indentured servants! Send them to countries that need help; Sierra Leone, Afgahnistan, Iraq, Iran, Israel. Wherever they are struggling due to war, famine, natural disaster or whatever - send some indentured petty criminals.

The benefits here are two-fold in the first instance; firstly, it relieves the pressure on Britains wheezing penal system. Secondly, it sends aid to those countries that most need it. How many car-bombs do you think are going to go off if the chavs have nicked all the cars? Make them work over there for 5 years, offering aid, nicking things, getting in the way. Then, when they’ve done their ‘time’, they can come home, or they can stay on, I’m sure we can give them some land or something, what do they need? Really? Just somewhere to store their cans of special brew and rusty hyperdermic needles, no?

Isn’t it obvious? Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before?

(I am aware of the sweeping generalisations I have made in this post, however, it is done in the name of comedy - besides, I was getting bored by the end.)